Our Surrogate Story

For those who doubt.
For those who wonder if God sees you.
For those who question if God even exists.

No infertility journey is easy. It is a full-on rollercoaster of emotions with unimaginable highs and inconceivable lows. It’s hard to explain or understand if you haven’t gone through such a trying situation. During our pilgrimage through IVF, I questioned if God heard our desperate prayers. Did he see me, on the floor of our dim bathroom, crying from the pain of my shattered heart? How could a God, who is good and perfect and loving, let me hurt beyond belief? 

During those moments, I knew I should turn to the truth of his word, but it was hard to look at the light when I felt so deeply encased in the dark. I couldn’t stay in my pit. I had to crawl out somehow. The evidence of God and his love are all around us, but we must open our eyes to see. I forced myself to remember God’s faithfulness – all the times he had been with me. One occasion that always reminds me of God’s undeniable presence is when he brought our surrogate to us. I can confidently say that God IS REAL and that he SEES us! Here is why… 

I always knew we would need a surrogate to carry our child. (Actually, a gestational carrier – our ingredients, her oven.) We even had three volunteers! The first was one of my best friends from nursing school. She knew about my situation and readily spoke up to be a candidate. One of the requirements to be a surrogate is to have previously carried a child. This proves your body can carry a child to full term without complications. Well, option number one had her own child a couple of years later. However, pregnancy did not agree with her. She developed hyperemesis – nausea and vomiting so severe she had to quit her job and stay in bed. She told me, “Aubrey, I love you, but I don’t know if I can go through that again for myself, let alone someone else.” I completely understood and wasn’t worried. I had two other options.

Option two is also one of my best friends, but she didn’t meet the qualifications. She told me she was willing but wasn’t ready to have a baby for a few years. We wanted to start the process ASAP, so this took her out of the running. Option three was hesitant. When we asked how she felt about being moved up to the first slot, she didn’t know how to feel. She told us she was willing but wanted us to look for other women first. She wanted to be a last resort. Michael, my husband, and I felt this was a big red flag. We wanted someone who was 100% on-board to carry our child. So, we were back to square one.

We started praying for God to send the exact right person into our lives. Someone who was excited and loving. I was sure it would be one of my close friends. I would even drop hints around them sometimes. “We are still looking for a surrogate. Hopefully, we find one soon.” To which I would get the reply, “God will send you the right person.” I would politely smile and agree. Little did I know, they were exactly right. God would send us the perfect person in the most unexpected way. 

My husband and I are on our church’s prayer team. At the end of service, the prayer team will go to the front of the room, anyone who wants prayer goes forward, and we pray for them. We saw Matt and Cindy coming up to us, and we asked how we can pray for them. Cindy replied, “We don’t want you to pray for us. Are you guys having trouble having kids?” I looked at Michael, and we both started crying. We hadn’t told anyone besides close friends and family about our situation. We knew this couple, but not well, and there was no way for them to know we were struggling with infertility. Later, Cindy would tell us that she felt God pushing her to go talk to us (but still no idea why). So, she grabbed her husband’s hand and dragged him to us. 

We explained our need to go through IVF and use a surrogate. They prayed for us and at the end of the prayer, Cindy looked at us and said I will carry your child if that’s what you need. She also said, “my uterus is your uterus.” We laughed and cried and knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was a God-ordained encounter. 

How does this happen?!?! Who else but God could work this out? We were praying for a surrogate, and God brought the perfect couple (who didn’t even know we needed them!) to us. I am still in awe of Cindy’s obedience. Can you imagine sitting in church and God telling you to go talk to someone without knowing why and ten minutes later you are volunteering to carry their baby??? It’s too crazy to be anything but God. Later, Cindy spoke with her husband, and both felt a peace about their proposal. 

I wish I could say it was all sunshine and rainbows from that point out. We went through two failed attempts of IVF (see “What it’s like” post). Then another two rounds with a different clinic to get three embryos! After all the heartache and stress to get our precious future-babies. It was time to transfer – or so we thought. Cindy had requested that we transferred no later than December, which the fertility clinic assured us in August that wouldn’t be an issue. They even expected to transfer in September or October. As you can imagine, there is a great deal of testing (physical and psychological), and paperwork before you can implant an embryo into someone. Oklahoma had made surrogacy legal only two months before we started the program, and boy, did we feel like guinea pigs.

After a ton of miscommunication with the clinic (we won’t get into that), a gallon of blood from Cindy, virtual psych evaluations for all four of us, and a 75-page legal contract made by three lawyers, we were getting down to the wire. It was the end of October, and things were almost good to go. This stressed me out since I knew we would only get one shot at a transfer. If it didn’t work, it would take around 6 weeks for Cindy’s body to reset to try again. That would take us outside the deadline. However, I trusted God. I knew he held the situation in the palm of his hand, and his will would be done. There was so much peace (and still is) knowing that I’m letting God be in control of my life.

Once we got the seal of approval, Cindy began her medicine to prepare her womb. (Follow her blog on Facebook – What to Expect When You Are Expecting Someone Else’s Baby). November 18th, we transferred one embryo and found out she was pregnant just before Thanksgiving. We are nearing the end of the second trimester and will soon have a baby boy!

Through all of this, I have learned that God does hear us. He sees our pain and cares about us. He loves us so much and wants to have a relationship with us. To say God is good is an understatement. He was with us through every high and carried us through every low. He didn’t answer every prayer exactly how we imagined, but he answered. His timing is perfect, and he knows what is best because he sees the entire picture (not just the little sliver of our own perspective). 

I pray this helps you in some way. It’s comforting to know that our heartache can help others with theirs. (That is part of God’s amazing plan too). If you have questions about anything, please email me. I love discussing our journey with others and will provide any assistance I can. 

Scriptures that helped us:

Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight.

Mark 11:24 – I tell you, you can pray for anything and if you believe that you received it, it will be yours

John 15:7 – If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you

Psalms 37:5  – Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.

Psalms 139:24 – Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life